so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
