just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
