i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
