Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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