nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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