I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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