I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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