I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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