its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize