can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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