So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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