I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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