I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
