I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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