i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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