I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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