It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
