Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
