what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
