dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
