I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
