i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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