Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
