never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
