too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she smelled like a LAN party
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
