so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
