Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
