The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
