so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
