so explain again why im purple
no
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
