hotel room ftw
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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