I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so let's talk penis.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
