Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
