I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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