You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
