I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
