Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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