I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
