The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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