WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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