can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
