Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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