That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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