Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
