i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
