The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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