You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize