My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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