dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
