I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
