I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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