stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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