Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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