I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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