So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
