I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
