I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i think i just lost a toe
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
