It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
