oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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