that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
