he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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