im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
