he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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