I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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