you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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