I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
