you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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