if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
