i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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