Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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